Project Extend
by melissabann
Summary: Miriallia wakes up in the hospital confused. She has no idea how she got there, or how it is possible that the boy sitting next to her could be there. What happened to her? Was everything she thought she knew just fantasy? And what about her Doctors? Were they really who they say they were?
1. Prologue: The Lie to Take Control

**Prologue: The Lie to Take Control**

Miriallia felt her head pounding. She must have hit it hard she thought. She didn't remember hitting it. Not that she would remember if she hit it hard enough. The soft sounds of beeps and people walking in the distance filled the room. She could feel a cool breeze floating over her. Slowly she opened her eyes. At first things were blurry then everything came into focus. It was then she realized where she was. She was in the hospital. " _I guess I hit my head pretty hard."_ she thought.

"Mir?" she felt her heart drop hearing that voice. She hesitantly turned her head to look at the boy sitting next to her. His eyes had tears at the corners of them threatening to fall. "Thank god you're finally awake" He said happily as he stood to grab hold of her hand. She pulled it away before he could. She looked at him scared. "Mir… what's wrong"

"This can't be. You died in the first war… three years ago. It impossible. You can't be here, you can't be Tolle" she said softly in a hoarse voice.

He looked at her shocked before replying "Miriallia… I think you were dreaming." He looked at her sadly for a few moments. Almost like he didn't know whether to say something or not "You've been in a coma for the past three months." He explained. "When the meteor hit heliopolis the ceiling collapsed. You were hit in the head."

She started breathing heavily and quickly. She was having a panic attack. Could it all be just a dream. Just a fantasy of her imagination. Heliopsis being destroyed. Becoming a soldier. Tolle's death. Even the love of her and Dearka shared was fake. It was all in her head. The past three years were all in her head. The machines in the room started to go haywire. The soft beeps became aggressive and loud. "No… it… it doesn't… doesn't make sense" She managed to say through her struggle to catch her breath.

"Miri you have to calm down" He said placing his hands on her shoulders. "Please just try to take deep breaths"

Tears were running down her cheeks when suddenly a young man and woman came running into the room. He was wear a white lab coat while she was wearing a pink nurses' uniform. "Nurse Hahnenfuss give me 50cc of benzodiazepines stat!" Miriallia didn't even pay attention to what the two did as they entered the room. She was too focused on their looks. They were in her fantasy world. His silver hair and icy blue eyes and her long brunette hair and violet eyes were unmistakable. They were Yzak Joule and Shiho Hahnenfuss. Coordinators and soldiers of ZAFT.

Soon the drugs start to take effect and Mir calmed down. "Mir… are you feeling better?" Tolle asked as she leaned back onto her pillow. She didn't answer him. She was too confused.

"Miss Haww I'm doctor Yzak Joule and this is nurse Shiho Hahnenfuss." The young doctor said introducing himself and his colleague. "We've been assigned to your case for the past few weeks. I'm glad to see that you've responded well to the recent treatments."

"This doesn't make sense" She said under her breath in an angry tone. She furrowed her eyebrows. A frown plastered across her face. She looked down at her hands almost like she was still trying to decide if this was all real or not.

"What doesn't make sense?" He asked curious.

"You!" She shouted frustrated as she looked up "Your Commander Yzak Joule of ZAFT. Not some doctor in Heliopolis. And that woman is not some goody two shoes nurse. She is Lieutenant Shiho Hahnenfuss of ZAFT your subordinate and finance!" She said convinced that she knew what she was talking about. Shiho couldn't help but blush. Apparently the thought of her being with Yzak embarassed her.

"Miss Haww I want you to know what you are experiencing right now is normal for those who have been in a coma this long." He explained. "Your mind creates a world to live in so that your brain remains active. It's like a fantasy world, nothing in it was real. As for myself and nurse Hahnenfuss being in this fantasy there is an explanation for that as well. We've been in and out of this room multiple times a day for the past few weeks. During those times your subconscious must have registered us and then we became part of the fantasy itself. It may be the same with many others who've been in your dream world. You haven't always been in a private room. And in you time in the other room you had several roommates who had several visits from doctors, nurses, friends and family."

"Heliopolis was never attacked?" She asked looking up at him raising one eyebrow.

"We were hit by a meteor three months ago. It came out of no where. The damage wasn't extensive but it did shake the entire colony." It was just as Tolle said. A meteor. Her whole life seemed to be a lie. Three years worth of just fantasy. It was hard to believe. "Miriallia I'm going to recommend you to see a psychologist. They can help you to make sense of the fantasy, that is if you are willing to go." she nodded her head yes. "Then I'll set up an appointment this afternoon."

After checking a few of her vitals he and Shiho left the room. Tolle and Miriallia remain silent for a while. It felt like she forgot how to interact with him. In her mind it had been three years since his death. But she wasn't a 19 year old war photographer slash former solider. She was a 16 year old student who had been in an accident. She wasn't mourning the lost of her boyfriend. He was alive and well standing next to her. "This must all seem like a lot" He finally said.

"Are the others okay?" She asked worried about her other friends.

"Yeah, the only other friend of our to get hurt was Sai. He had a broken leg. It's all healed now and he's doing much better"

"And the person who was in the room with us waiting for Professor Kato? Who were they?"

"We never found out. After the chaos we never saw them again." Miriallia couldn't help but wonder if they were even a she. They had never saw their face or any defining features. They could have been anyone.

He caressed her cheek tenderly, she closed her eyes. His touch… she missed it so much. Yet it felt empty somehow even fake. She opened her eyes and looked at him. For a moment the blond haired coordinator's face flashed before her. " _He's not real_ " she told herself. " _This is real. Tolle is alive, he's what is real._ "

"You should get some rest" He said removing his hand from her face.

"I've been resting for three months." She replied.

"Maybe some sleep will help you make sense of all this. Help the fantasy fade away."

" _What if I don't want it to_ " She thought. "Okay. If you think that is what is right" She said. He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. Once he knew she was fast asleep he got up and left the room.

 **At A Secret Facility at an Unknown Location**

"Vital signs are stabilizing." A man said as he continued to type on the computer. He looked up and across the room. There in a pod was a young girl with mid-length auburn hair. Her eyes were closed tight and she was hooked to several machines. She was naked, her arms and legs covered in burns that were healing and a bandage around her head. It was none other than Miriallia Haww.

"How is the memory replacement proceeding" a second man asked.

"It is on a bit rocky at the moment Gayle. She seems to be fighting the procedure."

"Increase the gamma glipheptin."

"If we keep increasing it she could die from overexposure" He warned.

"Do it Xavier. We need this to be a success if we want access to both Orb and the PLANTs. This woman is the key to it all. We need her to become our most efficient Extend no matter what."

 **Inside Miriallia's Mind**

Tolle pushed Miriallia in her wheelchair down the hall. She had slept for a few hours. When she woke up Dr. Joule informed her she had an appointment with the shrink. Tolle offered to take her down and wait outside. Once they were at his office Tolle pushed he in the room to wait for the doctor.

"You sure you want to wait here by yourself?"

"Yes the secretary said he'll be here soon. Besides it might be good for me to have some time to gather my thoughts." Tolle helped her onto the couch before he kissed her on the head and left the room.

Miriallia waited in the empty room by herself for a while. Her mind was clouded with thoughts of her fantasy world. In that world she had faced so many tragedies and yet at the same time she was so happy. She had fallen in love with someone, and although things didn't work out between them he would always be the love of her life. She had a career. A career she never thought she would go for. But that life was not her at all. It was someone she had evolved into through the things she had experienced.

She was broken from her thoughts when the door suddenly opened. "Sorry I'm late" The young doctor said. He was dressed in jeans, a light blue button up short sleeve shirt and tie. "Today was my day off, I didn't expect to be called in" He said smiling. "But when Yzak Joule says he needs me I know it must be important" He tilted his head and looked at her. She looked so shocked. "Are you okay…" He looked at his chart to see her name "Miriallia?"

"You're… You're" She couldn't manage to get the words out.

"Young? I know. Boy genius I guess. I skipped a couple of years back in grade school. Allowed me to finish sooner and start a career young" He explained. "Sorry I'm rambling. You're not here to listen to me, I'm here to listen to you" he joked as he reached his hand out to shake hers. "Dr. Dearka Elsman at your service"

She looked up and him surprised before holding her hand up and shaking it. "It's nice to meet you" She said. His hand felt different. There weren't the nervous sparks there always were with Dearka. It was like shaking the hand of a stranger. A stranger she had absolutely no chemistry with.

He released her hand and sat down. He quickly scanned through her chart to get and idea of what he was dealing with. He set the chart down and leaned forward. "So you've just woke up from a long coma and you're having trouble accepting the difference between the real world and the fantasy you created" he said. "From Yzak's… I mean Dr. Joule's notes you've even inserted him as well as his nurse into this world."

"Yes" She said reluctantly. She couldn't stop staring at him. This was _him_. The man she had been in love with in her fantasy world. The man who always made her pain go away. The man she could always tell everything to.

"You're boyfriend made some statements as well about your mental state when you woke up. Apparently you told him he had been dead for three years, that he died in the first war."

"Yes"

"Miriallia I'm gonna need a little more details then a yes there honey." Honey. He said it the same way he did the first time, well the first time in her fantasy world.

"I don't really know what you want me to say"

"I want you to say whatever you feel you need to." He explained. He leaned back in his chair. "Why don't you tell me in a nutshell this world you lived in. What happened that lead to his death? What happened to you after?"

"You really want to know all that. We only have an hour right."

"You're off the clock. Take as long as you need. The important thing is your recovery not time"

Miriallia took a deep breath and looked around the room. It was so empty, all except for his desk. It was so neat and tidy. Not at all like the Dearka she knew. The Dearka she knew alway had a messy desk. "It that… in my fantasy world we weren't hit by a meteor we were attacked by ZAFT"

"Heliopolis is a neutral nation. Why would ZAFT attack?" He asked trying to get her to continue.

"Because of the Gundam's that were hidden here. They wanted control of them…" Miriallia and Dearka talked back and forth for almost an hour. She told him how she became a soldier. About the four ZAFT soldiers who pursued them. How one of them was killed which eventually lead to Tolle's death soon after. "In that battle we had captured one of the ZAFT soldiers. And he became from that point on a major part of my life"

"You told Dr. Joule that he was a ZAFT soldier. Was he the one your crew captured?"

"No… It was you" She said looking him in the eyes. He was surprised. He didn't realize he was part of her fantasy as well.

"So what was my significance other that a captured soldier?"

"When we met I was grieving. Things happened… bad things. Eventually I was given orders to realize you when the EAF forces attacked Orb. I thought I would never see you again… but you came back. You saved us, from that point on you fought alongside us until the final battle."

"So in this world I was not only in it but important."

"Yes you were"

"How about you tell me about the final battle of the war. If that were to happen, a final battle, it would be significant. I can't help but think maybe there is some significant for you as well in it."

"It was a long battle. So much pain and loss. I couldn't believe what was happening in front of me. The sky was lighting up with blasts from foe and friend alike. Everyone kept screaming for Kira hoping he was okay. It seemed like nobody cared what was happening to you… I mean… the fantasy Dearka." She started to accept it all for what it was.. a fantasy. Maybe it was because hearing it all out loud sounded crazy. "The ZAFT soldier who deflected to protect us. The soldier who saved us in Orb. He was being brutally attacked. I thought he was going to die out there. But... nobody cared" She closed her eyes. The events of that day played through her head like a movie. Every detail was so vividly engraved in her mind. "Somehow he lived. A former comrade of his, Yzak, saved his life and brought him back to the ARCHANGEL. He was injured but that didn't stop him from coming to the bridge. From being by my side, where he stayed until it all ended."

"How did it feel to have him there next to you when it all ended?"

"Confusing. I wanted him there and at the same time far away from me. I didn't like the feelings I was starting to feel for him so soon after losing Tolle. But there was something exciting and incredible about him."

"After the war did he continue to be in your life"

"He was gone for a while. He went back to the PLANTs and became a soldier again. But then he came back for me. We spent as much time as possible together. Many times it was just short visits, emails and phone calls but it was better than nothing. But that all ended when I became a war photographer. He didn't support it. He thought it was dangerous for me. It made me angry that he thought he could boss me around. We got in a fight and broke up. We didn't talk after that. Six months later the second war started. It wasn't until a month or so after that that we began speaking again. And it was like we never stopped."

"Miriallia… Do you want my opinion on all this? What this whole elaborate fantasy was about?" He asked.

"That's why I'm here aren't I. To help get rid of the fantasy"

"Honestly I don't think you can ever truly get rid of the fantasy. Because it is your true desire. I'm not saying you some sexual fantasy towards me. We've only just met, officially anyways. I've seen you while you were in your hospital bed. I'm sure you've noticed from the way I refer to Dr. Joule we are more than colleagues. We've been friends since we were kids. Which is why from time to time I would visit him in your room. That is how my face would have entered your fantasy. For weeks you were slipping in and out of consciousness. As for the fantasy itself I think it represents your desire for something more in your life. You almost died. If the load that hit your head hit you at a slightly different angle you wouldn't be here right now. After experiencing something like that your body is craving the adrenaline. You want adventure. Dating your high school boyfriend isn't exciting, but dating Romeo is."

"Romeo?"

"A boy from an opposing side of a grand feud. This guy, the Dearka in that world, he is a coordinator and a ZAFT soldier. You are a natural and were a EAF soldier. You couldn't be more opposite and opposing but it was exciting right?"

"I guess… but I don't get what you are trying to tell me"

"This fantasy was just a way for your brain to spice up your life a bit. You've been living a very safe life. You're 16, it's what is expected of you. But I think going forward in your life you're going to want to more and more to fill it with adventure. And that can get dangerous" He reached over to his side table and grabbed his pad of paper. He started writing something down. He ripped the page of the pad of paper and handed it to her. "I'm going to recommend you see me at least twice a week for the foreseeable future."

Miriallia reached up and took the page from him. "So you think I'm crazy?"

"No, I just think you need someone to talk to. I've talked to many people about their dreams and the fantasy world they created during their coma's. It's my area of expertise. But never have I heard something so elaborate. I think you have some unresolved issues you need to deal with."

"Thanks… for wanting to help me. I know you're not _him_. He was just a fantasy. Maybe it's because of your face or voice, but you're so easy to talk to."

"That's good… because we'll be spending a lot of time together" he said smiling at her.

 **At A Secret Facility at an Unknown Location**

"The memory replacement procedure is start to take effect. She is starting to accept the new reality."

"Excellent. Then it time. Flip the switch on her new happy world. Turn it upside down. Let her hatred for coordinators start and grow to consume her" Gayle said smirking with an evil look on his face.

 **Inside Miriallia's Mind**

It had been a few weeks that Miriallia had been seeing Dr. Elsman. In that time she had stopped referring to the fantasy. She had fully accepted it to be just that. She decided to move on from it. Most of their sections now were about her physical recovery and about her relationship with her family and friends. She had to learn to walk again. It was frustrating although her physiotherapist Dr. Zala and his assistant Mr. Amalfi were very patient with her. Dearka helped her through it as well on the mental side of things. She was all around getting better. She felt like a new girl. Like she could do anything.

She sat on the couch looking at Dr. Elsman but today he seem distracted. "Is everything ok?" She asked. He seemed to be watching the clock.

His eyes looked over to her but he never moved his head. "Yeah sure. Just… I have a later engagement to attend to. I just want to make sure I'm not late." He said before turning his head towards her. "Not that I want to rush you or anything. So what did you want to talk to me about today?"

"It's just… I know we haven't talked about that fantasy world of mine in a while… but… I can't help but notice how many Doctors and assistants I worked with that were ZAFT soldiers in my dream. You guys all seem so young to be in these positions. It would make sense if you were all coordinators… but you're not. You're all naturals right?"

"Maybe that is why in the fantasy we were the coordinators. You saw us as these youthful people who couldn't possibly be who we said we were." He looked up at the clock and smiled. "You know skepticism and curiosity can kill you know"

"What are you saying?" she asked a little creeped out about how he said it.

He looked her in the eyes "Tick tock goes the clock little mouse." He didn't sound like himself. Suddenly the calm, kind doctor was replaced with someone filled with arrogance.

"Dr Elsman…" She was about to question him again when the whole building began to shake. Sirens began to go off just like in her fantasy world. She stood up and looked behind her towards the back window. "What the hell's going on!" She screamed. She was about to turn around when she heard the click of the safety being taken off on a handgun.

"Finally… I was getting tired off all the bullshit." Dearka said. "You know you did get one thing right. We are ZAFT… and we're here for the GUNDAMs" he admitted before pulling the trigger several times. Miriallia fell hard to the floor as everything started to go black.

 **At A Secret Facility at an Unknown Location**

"Memory replacement complete"


	2. Chapter I: Captured

**Chapter I: Captured**

She was getting good at cooking over a campfire. Raman noodles over the fire was definitely her favorite. She finished cooking them and headed back into her large tent. She was out on yet another job. After the second war finished she went back to being a war photographer. She found it very fulfilling. She walked over to her desk and loaded up the pictures she had taken that day. She ate and browsed the photos. She was completely lost in her own world when the phone rang. She looked at the number and was surprise.

She pressed the button to answer "It's Wednesday." She answered coldly "You're late. You were suppose to call me yesterday" Every Tuesday and Friday he called her a 7 like clock work. Every week except this one.

" _Sorry honey"_

"Don't call me honey." She snapped. "Especially when I'm already mad at you!"

" _Listen I have a good reason why I didn't call I promise_. _They're… They're making me a Commander, with the black uniform and everything"_

Her jaw nearly dropped. "You?! You're going to be a ZAFT commander? As in you Dearka Elsman!"

" _Ouch. Is it really that hard to believe?"_

"I just can't imagine you being organized enough to handle it." she joked.

"Hey my work life and home life are two very different things." He said half joking.

"I know… I was only kidding. You're going to make and amazing Commander. When do you start?" She asked.

" _There will actually be a banquet in my honor. They do it for all new Commanders. It's a little boring a stuffy but… I was hoping you'd be my date. What do you say Miriallia?"_

"I'd say maybe you should find a girl up there, not your ex-girlfriend who is a natural. I can't imagine them wanting me there"

" _Number one, you're the only girl I would want by my side there. Ex or not you're still my everything."_ He said like it was an obvious fact " _Besides Lacus is the Chairwoman now. I'm sure she would be ecstatic if you came."_

"Dearka… " she said sadly. She knew where this conversation was going. The same place it always seemed to go.

" _Miriallia you know I still love you right?"_

"I know and I love you too"

" _Then why keep doing this? Why stay just friends. I want you back in my life like you were before. Before the stupid fight. I was wrong about you. This… it's what you are meant to do. I've seen your work... it's amazing. I'm sorry I ever tried to stop you from pursuing it."_

"It's not just the fight we had… It's our Romeo and Juliet relationship. It can't last. Natural and Coordinators may have stopped fighting but the damage has been done. We will always be on opposite sides of a great war. The fighting may be done, the treaty may be signed but a war is still going on, you just don't see it. It's silent and invisible but there is a cold war going on. Maybe someday that will all fizzle away as well but it could also turn into another true war"

" _Lacus and Cagalli will never let that happen. The ideals of our people have changed. BLUE COSMOS has been over since before the end of the second war. People are tired of fighting"_

"Just because the organization is over do you really think that means that all naturals who hated coordinators as gone. That they won't take matters into their own hands" she argued.

" _Mir…"_

"I'm not saying I don't believe the fighting will stop. I know someday it will be safe for us to be together out in the open. When a natural and a coordinator being together is not a crazy scandalous thing. But that is not right now. And maybe by the time it happens we will both be happily married to other people. To our own kind. But we will still be able to celebrate the progress even if we will never take advantage of it."

" _I would wait for you forever Miriallia… no woman could ever replace you. I would put up with every single whisper, ever rumour and ever gasp of shock if it meant I could sit down with my friends and family at that banquet with you by my side. The only way progress can be made is if someone fights for it. I'm ready to go to war for you. I'm ready to fight to do whatever it takes to prove that we can be together out in the open and happy"_

"You would really tell your family about us. Even your natural hating father?"

" _Especially him."_ He stated.

Miriallia looked around her lonely tent. She did miss Dearka. She did love him. "Where and what time… and before you get too excited I'm just your date for the night. Nothing more. We're just dipping our toes in to see how many waves we create"

"Thank you… I can't wait to see you. To hold you in my arms again" he said sweetly.

"Don't get ahead of yourself Dearka." She said when a notification popped up on her computer showing she had an email. She clicked it. It was the details for the banquet. "Listen I have a lot of work to do if I'm going to go to this thing. So I better go. I see you in three days"

"Promise"

"I Promise"

"I love you Miriallia. Have a good night, stay safe out there"

"Don't worry so much… and… I love you too. Bye"

"Bye honey"

She hung up the phone. It was always good to hear from him. The truth was she did love him. But after all the things she saw in both wars and the aftermath of them it was hard to believe it would work out between them. There was a rift between their people. Too many things had been done to too many people. And she wasn't sure it could ever be mended. But if Dearka was willing to fight for it, she was too. After all he grew up hating naturals… now he told her he loved her any chance he got.

She quickly sent an email to Lacus letting she know she would be attending the banquet as Dearka's date. She wanted to make sure Lacus knew so that she could handle any disturbance that may arise from her being there. Before long Lacus replied back and they started to chat back and forth. During their chat Miriallia booked the necessary shuttles to get herself to the PLANTs. She never thought she would step foot on those colonies. It was kind of exciting. After about an hour talking with Lacus online she excused herself so that she could continue working.

Miriallia put a schedule of things she needed to get done before packing up and leaving. Somehow she needed to cram 3 days worth of work into 2. It looked like it was going to be a long few nights. She stretched her arms up high to crack her back before getting back to work. It was so quiet out here. Only the crackle of the fire, the typing on her keyboard and the clicks of her mouse could be heard. That is until she started to her a ticking noise.

She looked up from her computer "What is that?" She asked herself she reached into her desk drawer and pulled out a handgun. She stood up and started to walk toward the doorway of her tent. She didn't make it all the way there before and explosion went off. The force of the blast sent her flying across the room. She hit her head against the desk knocking her out. The whole tent was soon engulfed in flames. Her clothes started to catch fire burning her. She would have died there had two men not come in and rescued her. Not that it was really a rescue since they had been the one to set off the bomb.

"We finally have her." Said Xavier.

"It took long enough to track her down. Now it's time to get revenge. She will make the perfect weapon." Gayle said looking down at her.

 **At the Banquet three days later**

"Dearka honey? It's time to come in. Dinner will be served soon. You've already missed cocktail hour being out here. You can't miss it all, this is all for you"

Dearka looked down at his pocket watch. He was worried. Miriallia was never late nor did she ever break a promise. If Miriallia Haww said she would be somewhere come hell or high water she would be there. "I know mother… She… She should have been here by now."

"I think you need to face the fact your date stood you up" She said.

"It's not like her. She would have called or emailed if she wasn't coming."

"Maybe she was scared you would talk her into coming even if she didn't want to." She said hugging her son. She pulled away and held his hands. "It's her loss if she misses this big moment of yours. She'll come to regret it. It is up to you to decide if you can forgive her for it or not."

"Thanks mother"

They walked back into the banquet hall. Dearka began talking with the other guests. They all laughed and talked about his future. Soon dinner was ready and they all sat down. Lacus looked sadly at the empty seat beside Dearka, she couldn't believe Miriallia stood him up. After all she was excited about this boring stuffy dinner. She was excited to see Dearka again so why would she miss this.

"Sorry to interrupt Chairwoman Clyne" A soldier said saluting her. "I have an urgent message from Princess Cagalli Yula Attha."

Everyone looked at each other. What could this be. "What is it concerning"

"A young woman named Miriallia Haww" he said. Dearka looked over at her. He could see she was just as confused as he was.

"What about Miss Haww?"

The soldier stepped aside as Athrun walked in. They were surprised he had come all this way. "There has been an accident. A bombing near an abandoned battlefield in Crete. Miriallia was on assignment in that area. The bombing happened three days ago. We still have yet to find her. We were however able to find the place the bomb was set off. Directly outside a military tent. The remains of it were mostly burned down but a undamaged laptop remained. It belonged to her"

Dearka was mordified. Miriallia was attacked. It explained in the worst possible way why she would stand him up. "Miriallia hasn't attempted to contact anyone since the incident?" Dearka asked trying to remain calm.

"At 0800 hours every day she contact me with an update on her location. It was for her safety after what she did in Orb. She hasn't updated me in three days."

"What do you mean what she did in Orb Athrun? Do you have an idea who may have done this?" Lacus asked concerned.

"About seven weeks ago there was mounting protest outside the Attha mansion. They were protesting against coordinators being allowed to live in Orb. Miriallia rushed in and broke up the protest single handedly with a moving speech. She spoke about her time on the ARCHANGEL, how she forgave me for killing her boyfriend and how she even was in love with a coordinator. She told the protestors that she believed naturals and coordinators could live in harmony. That Orb's ideals were more than just ideals but the way of the future. They all listened and held onto her every word. Soon they began to disburse. A few days later she began receiving death threats. People believing her body was tainted because of her emotional and sexual involvement with a coordinator. Cagalli wished to put Miriallia under protective custody but before she could Mir fled the country." He explained.

"Why would this girl flee?" Dearka's mother asked. "She knew she was endanger so why not take Orb's protection?"

"Because… She was willing to die to prove naturals and coordinators could be in love" Dearka said. "If she hid behind an army her words would lose meaning. Instead she wanted to live her life the that she would have had she not done that. Am I right?" He asked looking at Athrun.

"Yes. A few days later she contacted us and promised she would continue to do so. She also informed us she was in contact with her ex and should she feel in any danger she would contact him for help."

"What could that girls ex do?" Tad Elsman asked thinking he was just some coordinator that was hiding out in Orb pretending to be a natural.

"He could send ZAFT soldiers from any military base on Earth to protect her. Because he connections similar to Cagalli" Dearka explained. "She is a friend of both Orb and the PLANTs. Lacus wouldn't hesitate to grant her ex-boyfriend's request."

"You really think this girl is that special? Or her ex for that matter" Tad asked half laughing at his son.

"Yes… I do" He replied a bit ticked off. "She is the most important person out there… at least to me. As for the 'ex' of hers Athrun keeps dancing around… you're looking at him." Dearka admitted shocking both his parents. "She was suppose to be here tonight and I was going to introduce her to the two of you. See what kind of waves it would cause. Truth is I still love her, and she loves me."

"A natural Dearka! Are you insane! How long did you run around with her!" He yelled standing up angry.

"Tad darling stop" His mother said putting her hand on his shoulder. "This girl is missing right now. She might be in danger because of being in support of coordinators. I don't think yelling at your son is going to help that situation."

"Athrun what is it that Cagalli wants us to do?" Kira asked.

"She was hoping that Lacus could send a team to help search for her."

"Don't they have enough people searching for Dearka's lover?" Yzak said in disgust. "She's just one weak little girl after all" He had met her a few times. Each time ended with Yzak calling her a homewrecking whore and her telling him he was a genuine asshole. Dearka was a little ticked at Yzak's tone, but then again it didn't surprise him either. In reality Yzak actually kind of liked Miriallia. She wasn't afraid to stand up to him or yell at him. He respected her for that.

"It's not just to search for her. We are also gathering a team in infiltrate Lodonia Lab."

"Lodonia Lab? What exactly is that?" Shiho asked curious.

"According to Mwu La Fllaga it is a Biological CPU laboratory. It was where the Boosted Men and Extends were created. It had remained unused since LOGOS was defeated but a day before Miriallia's disappearance there was activity reported from that area. Not only that but a day after that a doctor in a near by area went missing. He specialised in treating burn victims. Mwu believes they may have been hunting her for weeks. Dearka when you spoke to her did she ever say anything to imply she was being followed?"

Dearka started to think back on their many conversations over the past few weeks. Mostly it was just life updates and him joking about how she was going to take him back. She had never even told him about her big speech in Orb. Then something hit him. Something she said in one of their calls. "When I spoke to her a few weeks ago she asked me where the best place was to shoot someone that would stop them without them dieing. I thought it was strange. Miriallia's not a violent person, in fact she hates guns. Whenever I used to visit her she wouldn't even hug me if I had a gun in my holster. I answered and then asked her why she wanted to know. She told me it was for research purposes. I never questioned her further."

"That explains the gun we found. We thought it would have belonged to the assailant but only found her fingerprints on it."

"You believe they want to make this girl into an Extend?" Tad asked. Being a biologist he knew what becoming an Extend would do to the girl.

"She is close personal friends with many in Orb as well as ZAFT. Cagalli and Lacus are her two best friends. Socially she was the perfect candidate. She is the key to getting access to both. "

"But if she's not a good candidate biologically the gamma glipheptin will kill her. If her mind fights too hard they will have to continue to administer it. She could overdose or become too dependant on it" He explained. He turned and looked at the Chairwoman "Lacus I suggest you approve a team. Even if it is not this girl Extends can not be allowed to live. Once those drugs take full hold there is no telling if the effects can be reversed or how strong they will be."

"Councilman Elsman do you think that you would be able to research ways to reverse it?"

"Not without any test subjects." he informed her. "But I would be willing to try. If there truly is a victim in that lab bring them to me and I will do what I can to reverse any effects. But if I can't you need to be willing to do what is right and put them out of their misery."

"FATHER!" Dearka yelled "How dare you even suggest that!"

"It is what needs to be done Dearka. For the preservation of the peace treaty." his father replied. "If it is this girl then everyone close to her is in danger. They can erase, alter or even replace her memories. With the help of this drug they can convince her of anything. Including pretending to be a victim. They could get her to act like she is herself. If you rescue her Dearka it could be exactly what they want. She has become a symbol for peace between naturals and coordinators. Can you imagine what would happen if she killed a coordinator in cold blood. Or worst. Her targets could be Representative Athha and Chairwoman Clyne. Do you understand what could happen if she even attempts to attack them? It could spark a third war!" His father explained. "If you're not willing to end it there then stay away from that lab"

"I'm not going to barge into that Lab and kill her. You said you would to reverse the effects."

"Only if you can take control of her." He argued. "It won't be like any other time you've been around her. By now she is probably training to fight you. These drugs will help her injuries to heal quickly and her strength to grow fast. And I promise you she won't be shooting you where she won't kill you."

"I will go to Earth and I will bring her back safely." He said with his voice full of conviction. "And when I do you'll bring her back to me."

"You can count on me as well Athrun. Miriallia has been a good friend of mine ever since I first was in Orb." Kira said. "I joined the military to protect her, and I always will"

"I'll go too" Yzak volunteered surprising everyone. "That girl may be a nuisance but she doesn't deserve this. Besides… if things go south, if she needs to be put out of her misery I know none of you will do it" He said looking away from all them.

"Yzak… " Dearka said sadly.

"Don't get me wrong Dearka, I'll do whatever it take to save her. But if she's too far gone… if she hurts you then it has to be done." He said.

"Then it's decided" Lacus said. "Kira, Dearka and Yzak you will go help provide Athrun and his team to infiltrate the Lab. May luck be on your side. Bring her home safely." They all nodded and stood up from the table. This was not at all how Dearka thought his first day as a Commander would go. He needed to find her, if it was the last thing he did.


	3. Chapter II: Rescue Mission

**Chapter II: Rescue Mission**

 **Two Days Before the Banquet**

Miriallia slowly woke up. She didn't know where she was. She was laying in a strange bed, it seemed like a pod. " _I'm alive?_ " she thought. " _But where am I?_ " She looked around the room. The last thing she remembered Dr. Elsman had shot her in the back several times. She was in heliopolis. Now she didn't know where she was.

"You're awake" Said a man as he walked into the room.

"Who are you?" She asked scared.

"Don't be afraid. I'm not an enemy. My name is Gayle Oswald. I'm one of the few surviving residents of Heliopolis."

"What do you mean surviving members?" She asked.

"I'm sorry Miriallia. I know this is going to be hard to hear but Heliopolis is gone. ZAFT attacked it. They sent young soldiers to Heliopolis to work and pretend to be construction workers, lawyers and even medical professionals. It was all a cover for them to discover the colony's secrets. Once they learned about the GUNDAMs hidden there they attacked. Some people were able to escape, but not all. My colleague Xavier Hess and I discovered you when we were escaping. You were extremely injured. That is why you were in that pod. It preserved your body while it healed."

She was so scared. How could they do this. Dearka was her doctor and he tried to kill her. "What about my friends?" She asked quickly. "Or my boyfriend! He was waiting for me outside Dr. Elsman's office." She was worried.

"I'm so sorry miss. But he was killed execution style by Athrun Zala. A fraudulent physiotherapist" He told her.

Miriallia broke down and started crying hysterically. "No… he can't be gone" she cried.

"What they did was terrible. These coordinators are inhumain. Even your friend Kira Yamato was a fake" He explained. Miriallia was shocked. "He was the one who fed them the information about the GUNDAMs. Secretly he too was a ZAFT soldier."

"No…."

"And Lady Cagalli of Orb just let it all happen. She knew all this was happening when she visited the day the meteor hit. She chose to ignore it. She thought it was too late and that Heliopolis was a lost cause."

"This is crazy… how could they do this!"

"I understand how you feel. But there is nothing that we can do. Even this safe haven may soon be attacked by those fakes"

"You're just going to hide out here and wait for them to find us?"

"We've been training our hardest to fight them but we lack man power. Honestly we could use as many volunteers as we can get to fight those monsters. But those able to fight are far and few between." he explained.

Miriallia thought for a second. "What if I were to volunteer? Would that help"

"Why would you want to volunteer?" he asked faking a confused face.

Her face lit up with anger "To get revenge on all of them, starting with man who killed Tolle!"

"If that is what you truly want I won't stop you" He said "But first you should get some rest. Get in the pod. It will help you to rest faster. That way you can start your training sooner." Miriallia agreed and laid down. He walked over and pressed the button to close the cover. Once she was asleep Xavier entered the room and sat at his computer. Gayle looked at him "Wipe all emotions from this event expect her need for revenge." He ordered. "Also implement memories of training. It will help to train her more quickly."

 **Rendezvous Point Outside Lodonia Lab**

"Have you finished the heat scans of the lab" Athrun asked one of the Orb soldiers.

"Yes Sir" He replied quickly "There appears to be only three heat sources inside."

"Then Kira, Yzak, Dearka and I will go in alone. The rest of you position yourselves around the perimeter. Don't let anyone escape"

"YES SIR" They all said saluting.

The four coordinators made their way towards the entrance. "Dearka you okay?" Yzak asked concerned.

"In a few moments we'll know. Miriallia is either dead from the explosion that hit her tent or she's in there drugged up thinking god knows what. And there is no guarantees we can ever save her. So no Yzak… I'm not okay"

"Neither strength alone nor will alone" Kira said placing his hand reassuringly on his friend's shoulder. "They won't get away with this. We won't let them"

Dearka nodded and they all proceeded inside. It was a creepy building. It reminded Kira of the lab in the Mendel colony. It looked like it had been quickly abandoned. Papers scattered everywhere. Dust covered every surface. Cobwebs filled every corner. They walked cautiously through the rooms holding their guns in the ready position. Every room they passed they check for any signs of life.

"Put down your weapons now!" a girl screamed as they entered the room. There standing in front of them was a young girl in red skinny jeans, black army boots and a tight black tank top that showed every curve of her body. She wore her auburn hair in a ponytail with a black head band. A large gun was strapped to her back while she held a pistol in her hand point right at the men who walked in. Her eyes were filled with hate. "How dare you people show your faces here. After what you did in Heliopolis. After what you did to me!" She screamed.

"Mi-Miriallia" Dearka said surprised. He never expected to see her first. He had hoped they would be saving her from captivity. But it was too late. She was already an extend. He could see it in her eyes. They weren't the bright happy ones he loved to look into. No… instead they were glazed over and clouded, free of any emotion accept for hate and anger.

"I said weapons DOWN!" She yelled again.

"Okay" Dearka said as he place his gun down on the ground and kicked it towards her. He placed his hand up in the air to show he was surrendering.

"The rest of you too!" Dearka looked at his three friends, begging them to follow suit. Reluctantly they all did so.

"Mir" Dearka started to say.

"Stop it! How dare you say my name after what you did to me." She said in disgust.

"What do you think I did" He said sweetly. "Whatever it was I assure you it was a lie. I would never do anything to hurt you I promise."

"Did you attack Heliopolis?" She asked. He hesitated. He didn't want to answer. "Answer me!"

"Yes… but that was a long time ago. I'm a different person now"

"You're still ZAFT scum." she answered. "I trusted you. All of you! You were my doctors and my friend and you all betrayed me." She looked towards Yzak "Tell me Dr. Yzak Joule why save my life and pull me out of that coma? So that I could watch you destroy my home?" They were all confused. It must have been part of her altered memories.

"This bitch has lost it" Yzak said through gritted teeth.

"Miriallia you need to calm down" Kira said kindly.

"I didn't want to believe it Kira when they told me. You're… you're one of them. You're one of those coordinators. You've even joined them, joined ZAFT" She said angry looking at his white ZAFT uniform. "You disgust me. How could you do that to us. It is all your fault they attacked! If you never told them about the GUNDAMs hidden there they would have never came."

"Kira knew nothing of the GUNDAMs" Dearka said calmly. "Trust me"

"Why should I ever trust you again? You messed with my head." She screamed. "You try to get me to believe that I didn't want Tolle anymore. That I craved danger and adventure. That my life in the other world was just a fantasy. Now that world is coming true! I lost Tolle, Heliopolis was destroyed and you and you're friends were responsible for it all. But to make things worst you tried to kill me. I confided in you! I told you every detail of my life only to have you shoot me in the back. If it wasn't for Gayle and Xavier I would be dead right now"

"Miriallia all that is a lie" Athrun tried to assure her after seeing Dearka was speechless.

"Is that what you want me to believe Athrun Zala of ZAFT?" She said point her gun at him. She clicked off the safety. She had chosen her first target. And who better. "You killed Tolle, the only person I _ever_ loved!"

"You're wrong Miriallia" Dearka yelled angry. "Just look at him Miriallia! That is not a ZAFT uniform he is wearing! It's Orb! He is an Orb soldier now. Whatever you think he did is a lie"

"Did he kill Tolle? Or is that just a lie too? Because in both this world and the fantasy one I was living he took his life. But you know that already. You know that because I told you. Is that why Athrun executed him outside your office? Because you told him to do so?" she asked.

"Tell me Miriallia in this fantasy world did you forgive him?" He asked.

"Why does that matter? It was all just a lies! A fantasy created by my own mind. Why should it matter if I forgave him there? All that matters is here and now. He deserves to die for what for what he's done!" She yelled as she pulled the trigger. Dearka lunged forwards and pushed Athrun to the ground taking the hit in his stomach.

"Dearka!" Yzak yelled horrified. He looked at his gun across the room he was about to grab it when Dearka ordered him to stop.

"Yzak no!" He pressed his hand on his wound. "Miriallia you need to stop this. Put the gun down." He urged her.

"You all deserve to be killed!" she yelled. Dearka began to walk towards her, angry she began to pull the trigger hitting him in the shoulders and legs. But he didn't stop. Soon she heard just clicking. Her gun was empty. Horrified she started to reach for her other gun, but it was too late. Dearka grabbed her hand and pulled her in close. He kissed her deeply. At first she struggled " _What the hell does this creep think he's doing! Why… why does it feel so familiar? Why does he feel like the Dearka from the fantasy world? I never felt like this way when Dr. Elsman was near me"_ she thought before finally sinking into the kiss.

He pulled away and looked at her. They were both now covered in his blood. A small trickle escaped from his mouth. He looked faint. The other men just watched horrified. Miriallia stumbled back against the wall. Tear rushed down her face. Her mouth was slightly open bottom lip quivering. She looked sick to her stomach. She was devastated by what she had done. "He wasn't the only man you loved in your life. I love you. I will always love you, no matter what happens between us. No matter how much we hurt each other." he said "Please Miriallia remember who you are. Who you really are."

She started to sob hysterically "I'm just a student from Heliopolis" she cried. Dearka reached out and wrapped his arms around her hugging her tightly. Reaching up to her neck he placed his fingers on a pressure point soon safely knocking her out. He held onto her gently laying her on the floor before he too lost consciousness.

"Athrun radio in for help!" Yzak yelled as he and Kira ran to Dearka's side. He pulled the headband off Miriallia and wrapped it around one of his leg wounds. "We need to stop the bleeding!" He said to Kira in a panic. Kira took off his jacket then removed his shirt. He began to shredded it into stripes and handing them to Yzak to wrap up Dearka's bullet wounds.

"I've ordered the rest of the team to move in and capture the other two" Athrun said running over towards the others to help.

"Do you think they are Extends as well?" Kira asked.

"No… they are likely just scientist who used Miriallia as an experiment." he replied. "We need to get these two to doctors. We'll get them airlifted to Orb as soon as possible. Dearka's father can meet us there to try and help Miriallia"

"If Dearka dies…" Kira started "if he dies and Miriallia finds out she was responsible, she'll never forgive herself." said worried.

"If he dies there may not be a point in reversing the effect of the treatments." Yzak said sadly. "She would be better off living her life as an extend remembering him as someone she hated."

It was a long ride to Orb. It didn't take them long to subdue the two others in the building. It turned out they were just two former employees of the facility that were angry that their they lost funding for their research because of Cagalli and Lacus putting and end to LOGOS and BLUE COSMOS. They had moved to Orb and learned about Miriallia during the protest she ended. After finding out more about the girl and her connections they decided to hunt her down and use her to get their revenge. Unfortunately for them they were stopped before that could ever happen.

Yzak looked over at his friend. Dearka's chest was barely moving anymore. He was fading fast. He needed surgery right away. They did their best to stop the bleeding but now the blood was seeping out of the wraps. "He should have let me shoot her" Yzak said angry.

"It was a rescue mission Yzak" Athrun said emotionless. "We were there to save her. We couldn't kill her. Not when there was still a chance for her"

"Dearka shouldn't have been the price for that girl's survival" He snapped back.

"When someone you love is in danger you'll do anything to protect them." Kira said. "Even if they weren't together anymore they are both still in love."

Yzak looked out the window angry. Then an image of Shiho appeared in his mind. He knew Kira was right. If he and Shiho would have been in the same situation then he would have done the samething. He would have sacrificed himself. Of course Shiho would have gone for the kill shot right away. But then again Miriallia would have been conditioned to do the same. Was it possible that she had more control over her actions then they thought. Maybe she wasn't as far gone as they thought. After all she was only gone three days.

 **In Orb**

When they finally arrived in Orb they were met by Dearka and Miriallia's parents. They all looked at them horrified. "Oh my God!" Mir's mother yelled. "Miriallia! Dearka! What happened to them?" She asked Kira as tears rolled down her face. Dearka's mother was surprised. This woman knew her son? Not only that but she seemed hurt by his condition. This girl's daughter had shared with her parents her relationship with Dearka. And yet her son never thought he could. Were they really that bad of people?

"Please Sir" Kira said looking at Tad "Please tell me your research on reverse the effect of gamma glipheptin has been fruitful."

"Did she do this to him?" He asked angry. "Did that girl do this to _my_ son! Answer me!"

"It doesn't matter" Yzak snapped at him surprising everyone. "She's not herself. The really Miriallia would have _never_ do this to him. You have to help her, for Dearka sake. He sacrificed himself to get her here, don't let that be in vain."

He looked ashamed of himself. He was still angry at his son for having feelings for a natural. For ever being with her. His worst fear about that was that it would get Dearka killed. Now looking at his boy it seemed it might be coming true. "Get her inside." He said calmly. "I'll start treatment immediately."

"Thank you Sir" Yzak said saluting. He picked Miriallia up gently in his arms a started to carry her inside. Dearka was rushed via stretcher past him, he needed his wounds taken care of. Hopefully it wasn't too late for them.

The three boys waited in a private waiting room with Dearka's mother Candra, and Miriallia's parents Angie and Glen. None of them spoke. They were all worried about their love ones. "I don't understand. Why would Miriallia do this?" Angie asked. "She would never hurt Dearka, she cared about him too much" She was so confused about it all. As far as she knew Miriallia had only gone missing for a few days. Now she found out her daughter tried to kill her ex-boyfriend.

"It's not your daughter's fault" Candra Elsman said. "She was drugged with powerful drugs and put through a brainwashing system. It is likely she didn't even know of her true feelings and relationship with Dearka."

"Will she be alright" Miriallia's father asked concerned for his daughter.

"My husband is a top biologist. If anyone can help her it is him. I know he will do everything in his power to help her. Even if he is not a supporter of naturals his pride in his work will overshadow that. To be the first to cleanse someone of these drugs would be a huge thing in his career." The room fell silent for a few minutes before she spoke again. "You both knew of my son's past relationship with your daughter. Can you tell me how long you knew"

Her parents both looked at each other. They realized that she didn't have any idea about their relationship or at least not that long. "From day one" Her mother said. "He came knocking on our door one day. This young boy looking all disheveled. He begged to speak with our daughter, so we agreed. When she came to the door they got into an argument. I don't really remember what it was about but I remember her telling him to leave. She tried to slam the door in his face but he stopped it. He told her he would never leave her side again, not if he knew she needed him. That was it. From the point on he was part of her life. She kept trying to push him away but she kept falling for him more and more. Eventually they starting dating. They had a terrible break up when he didn't want her to become a war photographer and they broke up. They didn't talk for months after that. It wasn't until after the second war ended that they start talking again. By then she realized how dangerous their relationship was. She decided she wasn't ready to start up again, no matter how much they both wanted it."

"I wish… I wish Dearka had trusted me enough to tell me." Candra said sadly. "I knew he was hiding something from me for a long time. I just never thought it was anything like this."

"Kira! Athrun!" They heard a girl yell as she entered the room. It was Cagalli. "Have you heard anything yet?"

"Cagalli!" Athrun stood up and started to walk over to her. She could see they all had blood on their clothes. "We haven't heard anything yet"

"Dammit. Why couldn't she have stayed in Orb. Maybe then…"

"If they wanted her they would have done anything to get her. They wanted to hurt you. And although this wasn't the way they intended they still managed."

"We can't lose her. We can't lose him either" She said sadly.

"I know Cagalli." He hugged her tightly.

She pulled away and looked at him. "You three should go change. Get out of those bloody clothes." He nodded and the three boys got up and left the room. She sat down sitting across from the parents of her two friends. She could see the pain in their eyes. None of this should have been allowed to happen. When she shut down that facility after the war she should have had it destroyed. Now her friends were in the hospital. One dieing because of the other. Dearka mother stood up and began to walk away. "Where are you going Mrs Elsman?"

"I feel a tight pull in my chest" she said. "This has happened once before. When Dearka was 12. He was in a car accident and I almost lost him. They had pronounced him dead but by some miracle his heart started beating again a few second after. I never felt it again, until now. I need to check on him. I need to know my son is still holding on" she said as tear flowed down her cheeks.

"You can't go alone" She said "I'll go with you" She got up and followed closely behind her. As they walked towards the operation room they saw the surgeon leaving the room. It had been twelve long hours since the surgery started with no news yet.

"Doctor!" Candra yelled as she run towards him. "How is he?" He didn't make eye contact with her. Instead he looked at the floor. She felt her heart sinking. It wasn't possible. She couldn't lose her little boy. Not like this.


	4. Chapter III: The Price Paid

**Chapter III: The Price Paid**

It seemed like lately every time she woke up she was more and more confused. She couldn't help but question what was real. She looked over the the man changing the bag of fluid she was attached to. She had never seen him before in any reality. He wasn't wearing a lab coat. Just dress pants and a dress shirt. His tie was loosely hanging around his neck. Like he started to remove it. He had long unruly brown hair and soulful amethyst eyes. There was a certain familiarity about him but she was unclear of what that was. He looked sad, and lost like he was in some kind of emotional pain. He looked over toward her and he noticed she was awake. He just stared at her like he was trying to figure out what to say.

"Good morning Miss" The man said looking down at her. He picked up a pad of paper and pen. "My name is Tad. You've been in an accident of sorts." He explained. "You may be experiencing some confusion. This is perfectly normal. I'm here to try to help you unscramble the pieces."

"Where am I?" She asked.

"You're in Orb. Your parents are waiting just down the hall with some of your friends." he assured her. "Once you finish answering some questions I can bring them in here. I want you to know that you are safe. No one can hurt you here."

"How long have I been here?" She asked.

"Two weeks." He answered. "You've been in and out for a bit. You had a powerful drug in your system that we've been working to flush out. It's an intense process. This is the first time we've actually had a chance to speak. That's a good sign."

"What questions do you need to ask me?"

"There nothing too intense I promise. First I want you to tell me your name."

"Don't you already know it?" She asked confused.

"I know the answers to all the questions I'm going to ask you. What is important is that you know the answers. This drug that was in your body caused you to believe an altered reality. I need to know what you think is real."

She nodded and answered "My name is Miriallia Haww"

"What are your parents names?"

"Angie and Glen Haww"

"What was the name of your first boyfriend"

"Tolle Koenig"

"How did he pass?"

She looked sad. "He was killed by a ZAFT soldier"

"Do you know the name of this soldier"

"Athrun Zala"

"What military does he now fight for"

"Orb?" She said without confidence.

"Do you know who Dearka Elsman is" Her eyes shot over to the man. He could see the internal turmoil in eyes.

"He… I… don't know. I know he is a ZAFT soldier. I see flashes of him both in uniform. Red, Green… even Black. But then I also see him relaxed in jeans, a dress shirt, even a swim shorts. I'm angry and sad when I think of him. But I… can't figure out who he is."

"Thank you Miriallia. The good news is you know the concrete facts about yourself. You know your name as well as your mother and father. You know about the boy you lost and who took him from you" he stood up and placed his pad of paper on the foot of her bed. "But you don't know Dearka. I'm not sure what to make of this"

"Is he important?"

"I'm going to ask you a few more questions. I didn't want to have to ask these so soon in your recovery but I want to know which reality you believe is true."

"I said something wrong didn't I?"

"No Miss Haww. Your answers have just made me change my ideas of treatment." He walked to the window and looked out it a moment. He was deep in thought. "These questions I am about to ask you may cause you to start to question everything. I want you to answer as honestly as possible. Even if it seems crazy to you. Don't over think it. Go with what your heart is telling you is right" He looked over towards her "Are you prepared for this? Or would you like to wait until later in your recovery."

"I'm ready."

"What happened in Heliopolis January 25, 71 CE"

Mir's eyes opened wide. So many conflicting thoughts raced through her head. Some seemed real while others she wasn't sure. Did ZAFT attack that day or was it just a meteor and the attack came later? She didn't know. He thought about Tad's words. She needed to go with what her heart was telling her. "ZAFT attacked"

"Why"

"To get the GUNDAMs hidden there"

"What happened to you after that?"

"I joined the Earth Alliance"

"April 17, 71 CE what happen on that date?"

"The ARCHANGEL was attacked by ZAFT. They wanted revenge for losing one of their own. That was also the day Athrun killed Tolle"

"What else happened on that day?" he asked quickly.

"I-I don't know I don't remember!" She cried. Tears were streaming down her face. She felt an ache in her heart she couldn't believe.

"Miriallia I think you know exactly which reality is real. The drugs made you think it was fake, just a fantasy but it was the true reality. You fought the drugs and still held onto pieces of the truth. That is why you're recovering at a remarkable speed." He walked over and stood next to her "Unfortunately you've blocked out a huge part of your life. A part I don't think the drugs had anything to do with."

"What do you mean?"

"On that day you met Dearka Elsman. Do you remember this"

She closed her eyes she tried to remember. It was all a blur. She was having trouble even thinking of his face. "No I don't. Just flashes. Nothing concrete. I don't get it… who is he?"

"He was your enemy. A red elite ZAFT soldier. The pride of Februarius City, apple of his parent's eyes. On that day, April 17, 71 CE he was captured by the ARCHANGEL and became their prisoner. When the war escalated he deflected with the ARCHANGEL and fought along side to protect them. After the war he rejoined ZAFT and became a regular green uniform soldier. He remained that for a couple of years. Fighting in the second war in a uniform that was beneath him. On the day he left this world he was a black uniformed soldier. A commander in the ZAFT military. A honor he earned a long time ago."

"What do you mean the day he left this world?" She didn't know why hearing that crushed her so much. "Why don't I remember him, and why don't you think the drugs have anything to do with it?"

"I think it is your heart and mind trying to protect itself. You don't want to deal with the pain of it all. But that wall won't hold forever. Someday soon it will come crashing down and the pain will engulf you." He explained. "There was a discussion to leave the memories that the drugs created for you. Or to even alter the truth so that you would never feel this pain. Some believed it was better for you to live the lie then to experience the truth. But we couldn't do that. The woman they made you into couldn't exist. The real you is the one that belongs in this world."

"What happened to him" She asked her voice shaking.

"All you need to know is he saved you. You are still breathing because he saved you from the monsters that took you"

"I want to know the truth!" she yelled.

"I'm going to go get your parents now." He said calmly walking towards the door. "Lay down and relax. It won't take long."

He walked down the hall. He was angry. He felt an uncontrollable hatred for the girl. But it wasn't actually her he hated. It was the Extend version of her. The her that tried to kill his son in cold blood. That wasn't the real girl. The real girl was the love of his son's life. And it was because of that he chose to do whatever he could to make her better. He entered the room where both his wife and Miriallia's parents were. Seeing him enter the all stood up.

"How is she" Angie asked quickly.

"She's awake. She seems very aware of when the true her is, however..."

"However what"

"She doesn't know who Dearka is. Even when I explain who he was without mentioning of their true relationship she didn't seem to know. I think she may subconsciously know. But her mind has put up a wall to protect herself from it." He explained.

"What makes you think that Tad?" Dearka's mother asked.

"I implied to her that Dearka pass away"

"Tad you didn't!" His wife was outraged. "Why would you do that to her!"

"Because first of all it's not far off from the truth. He's only holding on to life by a thread. Beside it was part of a test to see what her level of recovery was. It was very concerning that she could answer every question but ones about him. I needed to know if the damage was permanent."

"Do you think it is"

"For her sake I wish it would be. But it's not. She will eventually remember him and what she did. Right now I think it's best she spend time with her family and friends. Let her experience some happiness before her whole life comes crashing back to reality." They all nodded in agreeance. "Angie, Glen you can go and see your daughter now. If you need me my wife and I will be in watching over Dearka."

Miriallia's mind was going haywire while she was alone. Slowly she was starting to sort through the reality of everything. Which was the drug induced lies and what was real. Kira was her friend. He join ZAFT to protect Lacus Clyne, his girlfriend, after she became Chairwoman. Athrun killed Tolle, but she did forgive him. It wasn't a vicious attack. It was war. Yzak Joule was a jerk. But he was a jerk she cared about. She could remember arguments with him, but it was their way of showing their mutual respect. Cagalli was one of her best friends who would have never abandoned Heliopolis. The truths about everyone was becoming crystal clear… all except Dearka. She didn't remember much of him in either reality. But she felt empty when she thought about him.

"Miriallia?"

"Mom!" She said looking at the door surprised. Her mother rushed in and embraced her in a tight hug

"I'm so glad you're awake. How are you feeling"

"Confused. The last thing I think I remember I working on my laptop. I was working late because I needed to finish earlier than scheduled. I don't remember why. I think there was somewhere I had to be. Then there was this ticking. I went to check and then everything went black"

"You're safe now sweetie"

"Mom who was Dearka? That man, he wouldn't tell me who he was too me. He not telling me anything even if I ask."

"Mr. Elsman is doing what is best for your recovery."

"Elsman?" She said confused.

"Are you forgetting the doctor already?" Her mother asked concerned.

"No… he never told me his last name. He told me his name was Tad." Her mother felt bad. She shouldn't have said his last name. "Is… is he related to the Dearka guy?"

"Yes… he's his father. Listen Mir don't keep prying about this. You don't want to know more. That boy… that young man he's gone. There is nothing that can be done now. Knowing who he is or your connection with him won't change that."

"Your mother is right. Just focus on getting better." He kissed her on the head. "Were going to go back in the waiting room. Get some rest. We'll be back in an hour or so"

"Why does everyone keep telling me to rest. I don't want to rest." She cried.

"Just close your eyes. Relax a little. Forget about Dearka Elsman" he urged her.

"Okay" she replied. She closed her eyes and pretended to do as he asked. When she heard them leave the room she opened her eyes. She sat up, got out of bed and pulled out the plugs from the machines. Next she pulled off everything attached to her. She started to leave the room. She looked down the halls. She could see guards from ZAFT and Orb guarding the elevators. It wasn't going to be easy to sneak around. Lucky for her the elevator whooshed open distracting the guards. It was Cagalli. No doubt coming to check in on her.

Mir took this opportunity to rush down the hall before anyone could see her. All the patient rooms seemed to be empty. They must have cleared the floor to eliminate threats. It was no surprise. Remember the protest she broke up a few months before. When passing by the nurses' station she noticed the computer. It was still logged in. " _Are people really that careless?_ " she thought. She walked over and sat at the computer. Tad Elsman told her that Dearka saved her. If he was hurt doing so and died later he would have be taken to the same hospital.

She typed in his name. A patient file popped up and she clicked it. She was shocked. Tad had basically today her that Dearka had died. But according to his file he was alive and in critical condition. She took note of his room number. No surprise it was on the same floor. She got up from the computer and head towards the room. Before long she was there. Seeing Tad and an unknown woman coming out of the room she ducked into an empty patient room. She listened to their footsteps as they walked by. Her heart felt like it was pounding out of her chest. It was a rush, an excitement almost.

Once they were around the corner she walked into his room. There was a young man. Bandages covered several parts of his body, but not his face. Looking at him it all hit her like a freight train. She stumbled back against the door. Tears fell from her eyes like waterfalls. She struggled to breath. "Dearka… no… how… could I do this to you" She cried. She fell to her knees.

She remembered why she was rushing her work. She was going to be meeting him in the PLANTs for his honorary dinner. He was being promoted and he wanted her by his side. But instead she was attacked. Just like the hero he was to her he saved her. Sadly she didn't have control of herself. She was trapped believing the lies that were implanted in her brain. She looked up from her place on the floor. She leaned herself against the wall and watched the heart monitor. There was barely anything. Just enough… enough to say he was still fighting.

She sat there on the floor for several minutes before getting up and walking over. She placed his hand in hers. She felt the nervous butterflies that made her know it was all real. She examined him closely. It had been a long time since they had seen each other face to face. Even though they had been speaking again she hadn't seen him since they broke up. She couldn't help but notice how much more mature he looked.

"Look at the two of us. You know you took my breath away the first time we kissed. I felt that I could live being yours forever… Now I feel I'm suffocating. You're laying her and it's all my fault." she said through tears. "Love can't save us now. Sometimes all that's left is crying. I broke something I can't fix. When I think of us, I remember how it was before I did what I can't undo. I can never let it go, I can never forget. Dearka if you die it will be all my fault. If I had been stronger… if I fought the drug harder… maybe you wouldn't have gotten hurt."

He just laid there. All signs of life barely visible. She looked over to the tray sitting on the nightstand beside her. There shining on the tray was a knife. It reminded her of where this all started. The first moment she started to feel anything for him. She reached over and picked it up. She held it in front of her. She watched the light bouncing off it. She held the knife back and started to pull it towards herself.

"MIRIALLIA NO!" Someone screamed. They ran in and grabbed her hands just in time. She tried to fight them to get free.

"Stop! Let me go! It's my fault! It's all my fault! Yzak please… please let me go. He's dieing because of me!"

He forced the knife out of her hands and tossed her against the wall. "How dare you! Don't take this away from him. He is laying there because he wanted to protect you. He paid the price of saving you. Don't let that be in vain"

"I don't deserve it"

"Stop it! It wasn't your fault. It wasn't you! You would never hurt him… you love him." Mir started to cry uncontrolable. Yzak slowly released her arms and wrap his around her. He pulled her in tight into a hug. She cried into his chest. "He didn't blame you." He said. "do you remember on of the last things he said to you?" he asked. She shook her head no. "He said that he will always love you, no matter what happens between you. He said that after you shot him."

She cried for a long time in his arms. She was surprised how comforting Yzak was. She started to remember the time when she was drugged. She remembered every agonizing moment of attacking Dearka. She also remembered Yzak wanting to shoot her. If he had done it Dearka would have only been shot once. Maybe they could have both survived.

They both sat against the wall in silence. They listened to the beeps of the machines in the room. Watching Dearka's chest moving up and down. "Why did you do it?" She asked calmly. He looked at her strange, he didn't know what she was talking about. "Why didn't you ignore Dearka and shoot me?"

"I wanted to. The only reason I volunteered for the mission was to kill you if I thought it was the only way. You were and Extend you weren't yourself anymore. I was ready to end you. But Dearka asked me to stop. You shot him and he still believed you were in there somewhere. I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't watch him lose you because of me"

"Instead I killed him" She said trying not to cry again. "Do you regret it? Sparing me"

He looked her in the eyes "When you die you should die knowing who you are."

"I can't live in a world where I know I killed the man I love"

"That why they wanted to erase you memories of him permanently… but I wouldn't let them"

She looked at him surprised. "When someone dies they never truly are gone. They live on in the memories of those who loved them. If they took that away from you it would be like they were taking away a part of him."

"Is… is he going to die? His father told me that he had already"

"With injuries like that he can take a sudden turn at any moment. There are so many complications that could happen even now. But… we can hold onto the hope that he will pull through."

"And if he doesn't?"

"Don't you want to live to find out there answer?"


	5. Epilogue: Goodbye

**Epilogue: Goodbye**

A cold wind blew through the trees as she walked through the large cemetery. The smell of the flowers in her hand intoxicating her senses. She finally stopped in front of one of the many headstones. Her eyes focused on the name of the deceased. She leaned down and placed the flowers in front of it. She took a deep relaxing breath. Somehow it got easier and easier every time she visited. He was gone. She would never get to see him again. She would never hear his laugh again… he would never hold her in his arms again. But that was life. People come in and out it in the most unexpected ways.

She never imagined she would lose him in such a horrific way. She lost control when she lost him. It took her a long time to find balance in her life after that. It was a long time before she was truly ready to say goodbye.

She stood there alone for a while until she felt someone's arms wrap around her waist from behind. They leaned their head down and kissed her on the cheek. Without looking back she reached her hand up and rubbed her hand against his freshly shaved face. His slightly stubble felt good against her fingers. "I can't believe it's already been four years" The young man said. "It only seem like yesterday that we were strangers"

She turned herself around in his arms and looked him in the eye. "What are you doing here?" She asked. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again. I can't look at your face anymore. Everytime I do it just hurts. It just reminds me of what I did. The look in their eyes when I pulled the trigger. Everything"

"It's the anniversary of his death. I wasn't going to leave you alone. Not today. You can run from me every other day of the year. Hide everywhere and anywhere on earth that you like but on this day you can't hide from me. I know you. I know that you would never miss visiting him on this day"

"How do you know that?"

"Because I love you."

"That doesn't matter anymore. This is the last time we see each other. This has to be goodbye."

"Why? Because of what you did? That wasn't you!"

"I shot at Athrun! I wanted to kill him… but instead I hit…" She couldn't even say it. She shot Dearka not once but six times. "Every time I look at you all I see it red. I see Yzak wanting to kill me, somedays I still wish he did. Maybe then…"

"Stop it. You can't run forever"

"The day I stop running it will all catch up to me."

"Don't judge your entire life because of one thing you did. You are more than one moment."

"That moment changed me forever"

"I'm still here Miriallia. I never left you. I'm alive standing in front of you begging you to forgive yourself. I took leave from being a ZAFT soldier to track you down. To tell you that it is okay. So why can't you?"

"Because I love you Dearka. For weeks I watched you in that hospital bed wishing you would wake up. And when you finally did I couldn't look at you. All I see is the look in your eyes when I shot you the first time. The pain in them. It wasn't physical pain. It was all emotional. What if there still some of the drug left in me? What if I try to hurt you again"

"Father removed it all. You have a clean bill of health. You're not an Extend anymore. Mir please… come home with me. Stop running. Your parents are worried sick about you."

She looked down at the tombstone. It belonged to Tolle. Today was April 17, 75 CE. It had been four years since Tolle death. She made a promise to herself the every year on the anniversary of his death she would visit him no matter what. Dearka knew this. She looked back at him. She felt sick thinking of the pain she caused him.

"I know it must be hard knowing that it was your hands that held that gun. You fingers that pulled the trigger, but that doesn't mean it was you. You are the love of my life… please stop running from me. It hurts more than anything you've ever done."

"I can't forgive myself, not now maybe not ever"

"Then don't… but move past it. Move past it with me. The reason you can't forgive yourself is because you almost took away the man you love right? So why keep pushing him away. I'll never say goodbye to you Miriallia. You can keep running but every year until the day I die I will wait for you here… just for a chance to see you."

"You'll really forgive me?" She asked tears at the corner of her eyes.

"I forgave you the moment I kissed you" She shook her head quickly throwing the tears away. She leaped towards him and pulled him into a hug. He leaned down and stole a kiss. One he had been wishing for ever since he recovered. He pulled away from her and looked her in the eyes. "Will you come home with me Miriallia?"

"Yes… I will" He held her hand and they walked out of the cemetery together. She knew life was never going to the same. The moment she was kidnapped that was guaranteed. But as long as Dearka was by her side protecting her life was going to be worth every painful and exciting moment.

 **THE END**


End file.
